I thought it would be fun to create a mini job description for a romance author.
Vacancy – Romance Author
Do you enjoy writing about the first flushes of love and want to excite millions of romance readers around the world?
Check out this amazing vacancy…
Hours: Can vary each week. Dependent upon the amount of romantic feelings, number of love songs on weekly playlist, hormonal fluctuations, writing confidence levels, quality of romance story ideas, social media activity, reading binges and marathon romcom film sessions on Netflix.
Location: Home based, although access to a few good people watching locations might be valuable.
Key Duties / Responsibilities:
- You will spend huge chunks of time asking yourself the same question – what do I need to do to make it almost impossible for two people to fall in love?
- You will need to be able to turn on a cold heart to break up a much loved fictional character’s romance.
- You will be fluent in all love languages; verbal, non verbal, touching, gazing, buying gifts, texts, tweets and late night phone calls.
- You will need to be able to pitch a romance story idea to an uninterested loved one in the kitchen and be able to withstand the obligatory ‘ugh – you’re not harping on about romance again?’ *eye roll*
- You will have to respond to strong physical urges to go write some romance.
- You will believe in ‘the power of true love.’
- You will need to be able to daydream OFTEN about being asked to attend casting AND make the final decision on the hot male character if your romance novel was turned into a film.
- You will need to be able to wave a magical romance wand over the most unlovable and undateable fictional characters.
- You will need to have the flexibility to take regular naps as writing romance can be draining.
- You will need to be able to withstand romance story feedback from an uninterested loved one, who struggles with romance in day to day life, and is busy watching sport on TV, and shouts from the armchair ‘unrealistic!’
- You will need to be able to fall in fictional love with one of your characters.
- You will need to be able to deal with challenging issues like trying to write a slow burn romance with two characters who are all over each other the second your back is turned.
- You will need to possess a good level of ear wigging abilities. Listening into the relationship conversations of others in queues is vital.
- You will need to possess the inner strength to keep two flirty, love struck characters apart for eight chapters.
- You will enjoy creating punch-me-in-the-gut-it’s-so-raw-and-real romantic plot twists.
- You will have been a fan of all things romantic since high school.
- You will have had your own heart-broken, split, fractured and mended countless times, at home and abroad and be able to draw upon this experience.
- You will have encountered in your own love life an array of romantic dirt bags, flirts, perverts, sirens, goddesses, dream boats, studs, stallions, geeks, randoms, sexy weirdos, smouldering strangers, hot food delivery people, heroic car mechanics and teenage crushes. Again, you will be able to draw upon these experiences.
- You will be able to cry with your heartbroken characters and rejoice when they find love towards the end of your draft novel.
- You will possess a strong desire to reach out to other romantic souls on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
- You will love a bit of life drama.
- You will have a good working relationship with a brand of tissues.
- Your life motto will be, ‘everyone likes a bit of romance.’
- You will be willing to act out a few romantic scenes with your uninterested loved one in the kitchen, whilst they are busy making breakfast and not feeling in the slightest bit romantic.
- You will be an expert on coming up with different ways to describe lips kissing.
- You will get to watch a lot of romcoms.
- You will get to gaze GUILT FREE at loved up beautiful people and pass it off as research.
- You will get to spend your days, writing, dabbing your eyes and singing Eric Carmen’s ‘Hungry Eyes,’ all in the name of romance.
- You will give a lot of people hope with your stories. ❤️