If you think being a writer is difficult…think about what your loved one or other half has to endure.
Can you imagine how they must feel listening to you huff and puff over the opening paragraph of your first chapter?
Ever wondered what it must be like to sit and watch the person you love spend their entire day editing the hell out of three sentences?
I think we can all agree on this, the writer’s other half is a special human being with many interesting qualities.
So, I have given some thought to what the job description might look like for the writer’s other half.
About The Role:
An exciting romantic opportunity has arisen for a self motivated, patient and enthusiastic individual required to love a writer.
Can change and will be dependent upon:
- The writer’s love of social media. Hours will vary according to the peaks and troughs of the writer’s social media accounts. Must be prepared for all communication to stop if the writer’s work is being tweeted or re-tweeted a lot. On the other hand they must be willing to put in the extra hours if their social media accounts have gone quiet.
- The stage the writer is at with their WIP. If their beloved writer is enjoying the heady and thrilling days of their first five thousand words less hours will be required. On the other hand if their writer is in the bleak wilderness of thirty thousand words their other half will be required to work extra hours and to ensure the hot drink and biscuit conveyor belt is kept running.
The job will be based at home with the writer.
Key Duties / Responsibilities:
- Must be able to view tweeting, scrolling, browsing, liking and adding a thought provoking GIF to a tweet as important writer work.
- Must be able to view sitting at a blank screen for hours on end as vital writer work.
- Must be willing to accept that they will be written into the writer’s fictional stories in some shape or form.
- Must be happy to wait for hours outside a bookshop as their writer struggles to find a book to read for…pleasure.
- Must be experienced at having weird conversations during pillow talk. Must be willing to dive into interesting topics such as the creative ways a writer could describe a kiss, possible relationship issues after two weeks of dating, romance problems in the [enter historical era of choice], things a loved-up couple could physically do in a cramped Viking long boat and brainstorming for the writer’s experimental thriller which involves someone murdering their other half.
- Must be able to support the writer through episodes of fictional trauma.
- Must have an extensive knowledge of the writer’s favourite cakes or flowers and know how to get them quickly for when rejections make them cry.
- Must also be willing for pillow talk to include an assessment of the writer’s latest idea for a future bestseller. This conversation will be one-sided and any romance that follows will depend on changes in facial expressions and the number of gasps of delight while the writer explains the premise. Yawning during this tense time could result in a romance ban.
- Must be willing to accept the house pecking order: the writer, the writer’s fictional characters (an array of needy invisible people), writer pets, kids and finally the writer’s other half.
- Must be able to step in with the children, pets, housework and needy relatives if the writer is in the middle of a writing binge.
- Must be able to sense when their exhausted writer needs a break from the literary coalface.
- Must be able to accept that advising the writer their draft novel needs more work could lead to divorce.
- Must be willing to physically act out scenes the writer is struggling with.
- You will be an expert at walking on eggshells.
- Your tea and coffee making skills will be world class.
- You will excel at cheerleading.
- You will have a good working knowledge of the book publishing world and your writer’s chosen genre.
- Your peace making and diplomacy skills will be advanced and you will be able to resolve the following chaotic and troubling situation with ease: your writer will be close to finishing their latest draft and cannot be disturbed, the leak in the kitchen ceiling is getting worse and looks like a waterfall, every child is crying for a different reason, your mother-in-law is banging on the front door, your teenager is playing their music so loud the house is shaking and your writer’s beloved pet has a limp.
Paid via the salary of love ❤️
- You might get a book dedicated to you…although you will be in competition with your writer’s beloved pet for this.
- You will get the kudos of saying you are romantically linked to a writer.
- You will NEVER be short of reading material.
- You will always have someone who will listen to your life problems and troubling feelings. They might even scribble down some notes whilst you talk.
- You will always get an invite to your writer’s book signing event…as long as you buy a copy 😊
To all the loved ones and other halves of writers out there – we really value and love you x