After the popular blog post on BlondeWriteMore about the things to consider before dating a time traveller, I thought I would cover dating werewolves.
Dating a werewolf does sound exciting. I see it as a passionate romance, spent mostly outdoors, focused around the lunar calendar and filled with sexy growls, glowing eyes and over developed abs. *Sigh*
Can someone pass me an electric fan, as the mere thought of a werewolf is making my obsession with Twilight’s Jacob Black come rushing back?
When having a hot flush over an attractive actor who played a werewolf in a popular film, I find its best to think about practical day to day stuff. Having a loved one who was a werewolf would be useful on a practical level:
- Their thick fur would serve you well during a cold weather spell.
- If a pesky ex-partner wouldn’t leave you alone, your werewolf loved one could pay them a visit on a dark night.
- If you were in desperate need for some superhuman strength to sort out a troubling DIY issue, your werewolf loved one would be only too happy to help.
Dating a werewolf would be a big deal so you would need to consider some things before taking the romantic leap.
In order to help me focus my mind on werewolves for this post, I have teamed up with author Shelley Wilson, who has written the novel Oath Breaker. If you are a fan of werewolves you need to read this!
So, here is what Shelley and I came up with – the important points you need to give some thought to, when getting excited at the word ‘werewolf’ on a Tinder dating profile:
- You will need a reliable plumber when dating a werewolf as your bath / shower plug hole will come under tremendous pressure from all that fur.
- Going to the gym with your werewolf loved one will be interesting. On one hand you will get loads of kudos for dating someone with over developed abs and on the other hand you will feel pressurised to tone up your wobbly bits.
- You will spend a lot of your relationship wondering whether your werewolf is licking their lips at the sight of your home cooking or your fleshy limbs.
- Family gatherings could be tricky if you have a relative who is allergic to dogs.
- Sexy phrases like, “I want to rip your clothes off,” could bring you additional worries, when you see size of the claws which will be doing the ripping. Would your werewolf loved one be able to show some restraint with your new expensive Ted Baker skirt?
- Your pet dog might have some healthy competition with the game, ‘Fetch’.
- If you dislike kissing loved ones when they wake up and have morning breath, you might struggle snogging your werewolf partner with their dog breath.
- If you go to meet your werewolf loved one in the forest for a romantic picnic you would need to take a spare pair of clothes for them, in case they accidentally shape shifted back to human form and had to go home butt naked.
- During a romantic dinner with your werewolf loved one you would find yourself slipping a dog worming tablet into their food when they weren’t looking. No one wants a furry loved one with worms.
- When they get sick things could get awkward as you will have to explain to your family vet why your loved one is laid out on their veterinary table.
- You might need to consider buying shares in a shampoo company considering all the money you will spend on shampoo for glossier locks and fur.
- With a werewolf loved one you can probably get away with not shaving your legs for a month or two. They will never comment on body hair.
- If during a romantic play fight you get accidentally bitten by your loved one you will never have to worry about hair removal cream, a lack of exercise, meat based diets, annoying people or morning breath ever again. Sigh!
- Their response to your life issues involving annoying people will be the same, “shall I devour them on their way home from work for you?”
- If you are lucky enough to date an alpha male be prepared to share him with his pack. Gasp!
Thank you Shelley Wilson for a giggle.
If this has not put you off dating a werewolf, best of luck!